


In which Eren regrets trying to socialize

by orphan_account



Series: The Adventures Of Cleanfreak!Eren [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bonfires, Drinking, Gen, House Cleaning, Late Night Conversations, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-09
Updated: 2013-08-09
Packaged: 2017-12-22 23:12:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/919142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A big group of Garrison soldiers are over at the headquarters for an extended stay, so naturally they and the survey corps through a bonfire party one night. Eren goes to check it out, if only to prove to the newcomers that he was at least mostly human. He fervently wishes he hadn't bothered.</p><p>(continuation of "what if Eren was as obsessed about cleaning as Levi" prompt)</p>
            </blockquote>





	In which Eren regrets trying to socialize

It had been a long day of training. Eren used to think that the exercises from when they had been trainees was rigorous, but that was nothing to survey corps training. It made sense though, since the survey corps had by-far the highest mortality rate. The training schedule written up by Commander Erwin was designed to maximize one's chances of survival out in the field. Levi, the one specifically in charge of the squad's training, was just as motivated to follow said schedule to a T. Except when it came to Eren, in which case the training seemed to double for no other reason than “titan powers”.

Eren wanted to just crawl into bed, but he knew he probably shouldn't. A group of Garrison soldiers were over at the castle to help build a more secure space for keeping titans, after the killing of Sawney and Bean (annoyingly enough, the names stuck even in death thanks to Hange). With the new faces here for a temporary stay, the rest of the squad was having a campfire night. It would be best to at least try to sit in for a bit, to show those outside of the survey corps that he was mostly a normal person. 

Plus, if he went back to the headquarters, he's end up seeing the huge mess the newcomers had left without a care in the world. So when Eren finally finished his shower- and it had taken at least a half hour to completely purge himself of dirt- he turned to the courtyard instead of the basement. The bonfire was moderately sized, probably so that people wouldn't be reminded of the huge fires used for cremating bodies. Still, it was bright enough that Eren couldn't really make out all of the figures, although the silhouette trying and failing to cook something on a poker stick had to be Sasha. 

Eren walked closer to the light source, wishing he had someone to sit beside. He knew Mikasa and Armin wouldn't be there. They were both tired. Mikasa would have come, but he had assured her that it would be fine. Eren wouldn't be able to make any progress in seeming more human with Mikasa protecting him. And in his opinion, Armin really needed the rest. Armin was his best friend at all, but he really struggled the most with training. No one noticed his arrival, due to the loud, boisterous conversation. Clearly alcohol was being shared here, and Eren almost shuddered. Nights of drinking always lead to disgusting bathrooms as people drank themselves sick.

“Are you kidding? It's worse than the rumors, trust me!” Jean's obnoxious voice rang out. “ Being woken up in the middle of the night to Jaeger washing his bedding right in the barracks was bad enough in our trainee days. Now, it's more like being woken up in the middle of the night to the Corporal in our faces because there's a hair on the shower wall.”

It was more in Eren's nature to immediately protest against their complaints. He wanted to shout “Hey, it is really gross to find hairs on the shower wall!”, but maybe the corporal was rubbing off on him a bit, because instead he quietly settled down to see what else they would say. After all, it wasn't the first time Eren had been teased about his habits, so why not see what they'd say when they didn't know he was here? 

“Seriously? Give me a story or two, come one!” The louder Garrison soldier cajoled. The others laughed in agreement. “Well alright, just a few days ago, it was Jaeger's turn to clean the bathrooms, right? And of course he's all chipper about it too, with the determined look and everything. He does that every time too, we call them his 'titan eyes'.” Jean paused to give a sad impression of an angry look. “O-oh, you mean cause of the, uh, titan thing” Another Garrison soldier asked nervously, already uncomfortable with the subject. Only Jean snorted. “No, we came up with that ages ago. He's always so serious about killing titans, he always gives this evil look when they're brought up. Sometimes I swear Jaeger's got a titan fetish the size of Hange's, just in a more murderous way.” Eren almost got up to punch Jean right then and there. He did NOT have a titan fetish!

“Anyways, like I was saying, Jaeger goes to clean the washroom. It ends up spotless in a stupidly short amount of time. Corporal Levi doesn't even check his work either. He hasn't ever since becoming corporal Levi's cleaning buddy.” Now Eren wanted to laugh. They were probably just jealous, working with the corporal was an honour, even if it was just cleaning. Heck, especially since it was cleaning. Eren had never seen someone else with the same critical standards for their living spaces. 

“So, right after he finishes and walks out, Connie runs in because he sick from being an idiot.” Connie, sitting a little farther from the conversation immediately butts in with an indignant “Hey! I already told you, my book told me that mushroom was perfectly fine to eat. And I was hungry!” Another round of laughter erupted from the defense, amidst Connie's grumbled. “ANYWAYS,” Jean brought the attention back to himself, “Connie was green all day, so the second Jaeger's finished, he runs in and hurls all over the toilet, halfway missing it.” 

“It wasn't that bad!” Connie protested. “Haha, it really was!” Sasha responded. “I should know, I was the only one there, besides Eren.” 

“Well, if the bucket you filled that morning was any indication, I'd say it was that bad.” Jean countered. “Alright alright, the newbie got sick. What happened next?” The Garrison soldier prompted. “Right, right. After Connie lost his dinner, Jaeger runs back in because of the noise. He sees the mess and begins to freak out, then he runs closer and-” “Hey, I get to finish the story, it happened to me you know.” Connie whined. 

“Ugghh, fine.” Eren could hear the rolled eyes in Jean's voice. “Okay okay, so my head was basically in the toilet, but I hear Eren coming back in. He's kind of panicking, asking if I was alright, but also freaking out cause of the mess. I think he slipped on the wet water or something, cause the next thing I know, Eren falls into me. I hit my head on the side of the toilet, but Eren falls right on top of it. When I turn around, he's lying half in the stuff that didn't make it, and there's toilet water and puke all over his hair. I don't blame him for screaming though, that's nasty, even for me.” Eren shuddered, remembering the ordeal. It had been horrible, his head really had gone in the toilet for a moment. 

“Oh yeah, but it's great because Jaeger screamed so loud, we thought he'd lost control.” Jean took over the story again. “We all ran up, freaking out cause no one had their maneuver gears, only to find Jaeger flipping his shit, trying to spray himself off with tap water. He's still yelling up a storm the whole time, not listening to anyone until Corporal Levi gets there and drags him to the showers.” Laughter filled the courtyard again. Eren huffed at the joy being taken at his expense. Finally, he gave up trying to be quiet. “It wasn't that funny, you know! Try being covered in someone else's vomit before you laugh.” 

The circle immediately froze. The Garrison soldiers flinched almost in unison, looking particularly skittish. Eren suddenly felt like he understood the corporal a little more- the way he got an entire group of trained soldiers, many of them older, to give the look of a child caught in the cookie jar was immensely satisfying. Then, Jean shrugged and laughed. “Pretty sure I wouldn't have tried showering in a sink, Jaeger.”, and the spell was broken.

“So... you're the titan kid?” One asked, sounding unsure. Eren sighed, knowing this was the main reason he was out here. “Yeah, I am.” He tried not to sound exasperated. He didn't know how many times people had run up to him at headquarters to ask that question. “ So have you ever accidentally transformed over a dirty room?” A third person asked with a smirk in their voice. “What? Of course I haven't! For one thing, I have to hurt myself, and for another I have to have a goal in mind. I can't just transform purely from being angry.” Eren was offended by the stupidity of the question. “Really? You don't transform when you get too angry?” The Garrison soldier sounded way too relieved. Eren made sure to give a nasty look in that direction, although they probably wouldn't see it. “Not entirely, anyways. I mean, if I'm angry in a way that has an end goal like when I transformed the first time to kill titans, then it works. But if it's just a trashed room, I get angry over the fact that it got messed up. There isn't enough of a goal there, or at least not one that a titan form can accomplish.” Eren calmed down as he was trying to explain. Maybe if he was thorough enough, people would be less freaked out by him. After all, Eren didn't fancy being on the receiving end of a dozen swords just from losing his temper.

“Speaking of cleanliness though, why would you even become a soldier if you can't stand dirt?” Eren groaned. Another frequently asked question, at least when he was a trainee. “I've said this a million times before. It's not that I can't stand dirt or messes, I just need to have somewhere clean to live in when I'm not outside. As long as the building I stay in for an extended time is clean, I'm fine.” There wasn't much the garrison soldiers could say to that. “Well, that's stupid.” Jean commented, as he usually did when the topic came up. “The corporal doesn't think so” Eren couldn't help but mumble.

“Of course Levi doesn't think so. You're both a bunch of nut bags.” An older survey corps soldier spoke. That portion of the circle started laughing. “Yeah, but Levi was never so bad before Eren showed up. I can't tell if it's because he has backup now, or he doesn't want to be outdone.” 

“No, no, it's gotta be because of weird, clean freak nesting habits. He's cleaning his home to impress a potential younger mate.” The whole campfire group began to laugh uproariously, while Eren couldn't stop an embarrassed blush.

“Yeah, totally! It's like when a peacock shows it's feathers to attract mates. I bet that's what's really happening when they clean together- Corporal Levi's just trying to serenade Jaeger with his cleaning skills.” 

“Oh god, I can't breathe!” 

“Jaeger, has the corporal” The voice paused to giggle again, “tried asking you out via sterile laboratory room?” Eren's entire face burned red. “Why-what-NO!” He stuttered. “Ha, imagine corporal Levi trying to get it on with Eren by dumping soapy water over him!” 

“Oh, oh, or imagine them trying to kiss, but with a paper bag between them cause of it being unsanitary and all!” Eren stood up, unable to stand the current situation any longer. As he stepped away from the fire, he was accompanied by whines of “we're just messing with you!” as well as lewd comments of “say yes when the corporal tries to reproduce with you- you're an endangered species, after all!” Eren was already cherry red, so he just turned to enter the castle, only to bump into someone.

“C-corporal Levi! I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going!” Eren squeaked, his voice raised in much too high of a pitch. The entire campfire as a whole went dead silent, effectively startled. In less than a second, the heavy feeling of dread settled in. Even Eren felt like he was going to be killed by association, even though it certainly wasn't him doing the teasing. 

Instead of immediately lashing out, Corporal Levi stepped closer to the crowd. Eren didn't move from his spot, half wondering if maybe the corporal hadn't actually overheard anything. That idea flew out the window, as corporal Levi commented easily, “So you think my method of kissing someone involves placing a paper bag over their head?” He was met by the sound of fire crackling. “Or do you think I would place the bag over my head?” More silence.

“If my methods of attracting partners is such an important subject to speculate about, would you prefer a demonstration?” No one moved a muscle. Corporal Levi sighed, then beckoned to Eren. “Get over here.” Eren complied, fervently wishing that Mikasa really had come. She'd be the only one with the ability to rescue him at this point.

“Sir?” Eren questioned as corporal Levi yanked his arm the moment it was in range, pulling Eren beside him. He really hoped he wasn't about to get a punch to the face. If he was going to die, Eren wanted it done quickly. That's when the unexpected happened. A hand grasped the collar of Eren's shirt, pulling down harshly. Then Corporal Levi's mouth was on his. Distantly, Eren tasted alcohol. So the upper ranked officers were drinking too, he realized. Is that why they called such a long meeting tonight? Then Eren was released, and he straightened up immediately. The burning of before had compounded. 

“Are you satisfied?” Corporal Levi asked, turning to the crowd. Upon hearing no response, he shook his head slowly. “For all that joking, you lot really don't have a sense of humor, do you?” Corporal Levi turned back to Eren, and he saw the corporal's mouth stretch into an amused smirk. “Go to bed, Jaeger, before you faint from blood loss.”

Eren nodded rapidly, wasting no time. Behind him, Corporal Levi barked at the soldiers. “Clean up this mess, and get rid of the alcohol while you're at it. Really, you're supposed to be soldiers.” 

When Mikasa and Armin asked about the campfire the next morning, Eren only mumbled halfheartedly about it being boring. When Hange brought it up in the mess hall over breakfast, the entire room minus the officers clammed up. Only Corporal Levi calmly sipped at his drink, casually explaining, “Well, when I shut it down, they were drunk enough to be contemplating the mating rituals of endangered species. So I imagine it went well enough.” Somehow, he caught eyes with Eren, who couldn't help but immediately blush cherry red. He buried his face in his hands. 

Mikasa and Armin immediately started prodding him, asking “Wait, what happened last night?” and “Did someone do something to you?” Eren could only groan. “Nothing, I just wish I hadn't been the only sober person awake last night.”

**Author's Note:**

> I only meant to write a single one shot about this silly idea but it gave me too many ideas and I couldn't help myself. The campfire conversation was a little too fun to write. And also, about Levi, I know it hasn't been demonstrated, but I like to think he does have a mean sense of humor, in the sense that he likes to make his subordinates squirm once in a while.


End file.
